Thursday, October 29, 2009

Stuff Desis Like


Ok,I have to write something about US[ the desis ppl ].

When I refer to "desis", I'm referring to Indians who are temporarily/permanently settled in the abroad  Some entries in the list below come from self experience, some come from observations. Here is the list of some stuff which desis like, not necessarily in the order in which it is listed.

1. Toyota/Honda: This HAS to be the first entry in the list. I have rarely seen a desi driving a car other than Toyota or Honda. Some distinguish themselves from this lot by owning a Nissan. But the reason for it is obvious - high mileage, low cost of maintainance and "Arree, even  I bought the same car a couple of  years ago,  having no problems with it so far." :P

2. Maggi: Lifeline of desi students.

3. Orkut: Tell me a desi who does not check orkut every hour, if not more frequently. Desis also like to change their name on Orkut to something like "Happy Diwali to all" or "India beat Australia,yippee" or "Three days for semester break" or the more concerned "Rahul- Im bck,redefyng mah lyfe" . Incase you are searching for a friend and do not find him, chances are he will be one of the people above.

4. Orkut pics: Wherever a desi goes, he should have a pic taken and displayed on Orkut as a display pic, or create a seperate album for it. If a desi goes along with his gang of friends(which is usually the case) to Statue of Liberty for example, each will have 5 types of pics taken- only the monument, desi and monument, desi and best friend and monument, desi and entire gang, desi and entire gang and monument.

5. Russell Peters: RP ROX \m/..Desis relate to him since he is the only desi standup comedian they know, and his jokes are for the desis.He is just awesome. If you do not know who Russell Peters is, then search on youtube. "Somebody is gonna get a hurt real badddd"

6. Successive use of a word: Come,come!!Read this,read this!! Get the drift? Repeating a word or a phrase is the most preferred way of stressing importance , being polite, being assertive, passionately agreeing, requesting a favor or wherever suited. Examples of it include ordering at restaurants ("bring two,two"), welcoming guests ("sit,sit"), appreciating someone or something ("good,good"),or just generally("hmm hmm,yes yes" and "sure,sure") and ya don't forget the big("OK")

7. Cricket: Ah, how can I forget cricket. Its a religion, and most desis follow it. Inspite of the time difference, desis regularly follow the Indian team matches. Desis hunt for all possible websites for live streaming ("live-cricket-links.com"). And incase they are unable to watch the live streaming at work/university, then Cricinfo to the rescue. Cricket is religion, Sachin Tendulkar is God.

8. Fellow Desis: Desis love fellow desis. They are comfortable with them, irrespective of the part of India the other person is from. At any given place, desis will be looking around to see if there are any other desis. Even in case of chicks, a desi will look at a desi chick for a second longer than any other blonde/redhead/black(?) chick. And it is not too difficult to strike up a conversation with a fellow desi. Common questions include "Where in India are you from?"," How long have you been here?","So, doing your masters?ohk,what is your major?ohk CS,so are you into databases/distributed networks/security?"

9. Staring: Lets face it. Desis stare, with or without realizing they are doing so. And it is not just the female gender  we stare ...........we stare at one and all. we stare at fellow desis to see if we know them or which part of India he/she is from. We stare at firangs and then wonder why they go around saying hellos and hi to you. What else do you expect them to do if they are stared at??They are not desis, they are not used to it. Desis probably do not stare at our Afro-American big brothas, since they will stare back at you. This leads to uncomfortable sitations for the desi, since he has been told to stay away from these supposedly beast looking ppl.:P(no offence).

10. Desi restaurants: Desis love desi restaurants. But obvious. They love it even if the food is bad, ambience is pathetic and its far away from where you stay.

11. Saunf: For the uninitiated , saunf or fennel seeds are the thin little ridged green grain-like thing that desis love to chew on after hearty meals (often times in alarmingly large quantities, almost constituting a large after-meal) . While desis swear by its “mouth freshening” qualities (altoids, be gone!), it also gives them an opportunity to weild their toothpicks to achieve instant dental pleasure (otherwise achieved by the “hygiene no bar - whatever it takes” rule. hint: it grows on your fingers :P). 4 desis going to a restaurant means the small(in desi terms) cup of saunf kept near the exit is empty when they leave.

12. Copying: Desis love copying, and it is a well known fact even across the universities in the US. I doubt if there will be a single university in the US which has not had a case of a desi involved in plagirism. If not his friends, desi will look for answers on Google. And copying is not just restricted to academics. Some part of what you have been reading has also been copied from the Internet. We are well aware of the desi films copying storylines, music and what not from foreign films.

13. Torrentz/Limewire: Desis love these things for free downloads. With the high speed internet which they did not get back in India, desis love these for downloading anything and everything possible. The free downloads include music albums, just released films, and much more.  "You fucking filthy downloaders!!":P

14. Google: Desis love Google. To know the reasons a desi uses Google for, please Google it out.

15. White friends: All desis like to be friends with white people. More than being friends with them, they like to show off and talk about them. How many times have you heard a desi rant "You know last weekend when I had gone out WITH MY FRIENDS ADAM, MATT AND HIS GIRLFRIEND RACHEL.......". Some desis would call you near them and show their facebook profile saying "Hey, look at this chick. She is a friend from university". 85% of these white chicks wouldn't even have said anything excpet the courteous hi's and hellos. But our desi friend thinks that she has the hots for him.

16. McDonald's: Desis love McDonald's for 3 main reasons: Dollar menu, dollar menu and dollar menu. Typical order from a desi at MacD "I will have 1 burger, 1 fries and 1 coke. Chicken burger haa. And coke refill is free na?"

17. Swearing: Desis love to swear. Infact, all Indians are genetically potent swearers. Desis add a special twist to the usual swearing - "Fuck you biatch,bhaindchod". And they say this to even the firangs. As if that poor guy is gonna understand the last word of the sentence.

18. Sharing: Desis love to share - be it pirated softwares, books, clothes or cars. If a desi finds something interesting on the net, he will share it with other desis - "hey..look at this new mms clip. mast maal hai" or "hey,look at this website, it contains the code for our assignment;but make sure you change it a bit". Not only is the virtue of sharing used to save money but it is also used to save space. Desis achieve this by making sure that there is at least one more person than the legal number of people allowed to stay in the apartment.

19. Desi parties: Desi parties can be held in various locations ranging from offcampus apartments to downtown night clubs, with many reasons or no reasons whatsoever. The party is hyped weeks in advance, mainly through word of mouth publicity. Gals with skimpy costumes and dudes with jackets and gelled hair are present everywhere. 'Mundiya tu bachke rahi' is the DJ's most favourite song at every desi party. A desi , free-style, everyone-is-invited brawl is as much a necessity of every party as the punjabi music :)

20. INDIA: Last but not the least, each desi loves India, our homeland. No matter how much they crib about India, deep down each and every one of them loves it.

Ofcourse, there are many more things which desis like. However, these were the few which came to my mind when I thought of it.

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I feel

I have seen my enemy, and she looked just like me
trying to believe; she breathe just like me
among million assertions, lonely she feel
She could only see as far I can see

dull in her eyes, similar look on her face
and she masked her fears with the same grace
limping, she walked the floor of doubt
and thoughts created a life without trace


She surrendered to the pain
She spoke her words in vain
don't know where she was going
it's been a while when she was sane

My face was scarred with the guilt
I was saddened to the hilt
Time to ride the winds of hope
Have to break the wall I built

She looked at me with a smile
I figured out I was lost for a while
I was numb by the screaming truth
I realize, I have to go an extra mile

I want to meet her again
don't want to see her the same
with flash of bliss in her eyes
her heart will not sink in shame

I woke up stunned from the beep
There are promises I have to keep
I fiddled with my sheets as I felt weak
No, I just cannot sleep

I have seen my enemy, and she looked just like me!

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

1-800-O-My-God.

I don't know how to tell you this guyz but sometime around the DIWALI my dear MUM went to gurudware, there she met some dude i guess who could tell my horoscope, and sure enough they prepared my birth horrorscope (nope, there's no typo there).It was written in that tiny booklet, which looked more like an owner's manual to me,It was written in some gibberish language ,It made me a little restless and I had indigestion all week thinking about it, how could someone predict what I was going to be like when they have never even met me and. . Without talking to me, without knowing me, some dude just drew up a user manual about me for my mum. And I don't even believe in God, religion and all the mumbo-jumbo associated with it. I wanted to find out how was that possible. What happened to all the science and all the logic that existed with it. But who will unravel all these secrets to me.

Where there's a will, there's a way, of course. So I set out on the internet, looking for "THE" phone number. And then - Jackpot.

I'd found God's own personal phone number. Not the board, but His personal number. As I started dialing the number, my hands somehow started shaking, I was calling God after all. It wasn't OBAMA, it was GOD. Somehow, I managed to dial the number - 1-800-O-My-God. The line on the other side rang for about ten seconds before it was picked up by someone with a very kind voice.

God: Hi, this is God. I'm very sorry, my caller ID unit is not working, so could you please tell me who's calling?

Nandini: Hi, sir. This is Nandini Arya.

God: Oh! Dude! How are you? Long time. I thought you were one of those seeking blessings for a good 'afterlife' once you go out and blow yourself up in my name. Man, I hate that kinda publicity, makes me look so bad. And just so you know, the guy who suggested that PR strategy has been fired. But that bugger leaked out my number to all the call centers in India and they keep harassing me with all the things they are trying to sell these days. Anyway, that's just something I have to deal with. So, tell me, what are you up to these days?

Nandini: Well, sir...

God: Hey, you can call me "dude", man. So, you were telling me what are you up to these days? No mischief, I hope?

Nandini: Oh well, dude. Writing a blog, but that's all, nothing more.

God: Hmm... then it's okay.

Nandini: Anyway, I have had a few questions. You think you have some time?

God: Sure thing, fire away.

Nandini: First of all, what's with all the religious crazies?

God: I don't know, man. I am still confused whether to give them a little more time to clean up their act or show them what the real fuss over Armageddon is all about. And I'm not talking about unleashing Bruce Willis on them, I'm talking the real stuff.

Nandini: Fair enough. And can you please explain to me even when I don't believe in you (sorry about that) and things like religion, rituals, horrorscopes etc., how was that dude able to predict things about me when I was born.

God: Oh dude!! Lucky guess, I'd say. Those guys write just about anything and if it comes true they want all the credit and if anything goes wrong, they wanna have nothing to do with it. Besides, I've seen your file, I remember. Your lifestyle is okay by me, really. So don't sweat it and take it easy.

Nandini: Phew! Big burden off me. Thanks again for everything, dude. Oh, just a thought, have you tried changing the batteries of your caller ID unit?

God: Hey, hey, hey!!! Look who created a genius? Man, I'm good!!

Nandini: Ha! Showoff!!

God: Oi, thou shalt not tempt the lord, huh?

Nandini: Mah bad!!

God: Take care, dude. Have fun and live easy.

With all my questions answered and my belief system intact, I drank cup of milk grabed my book and went of to study.

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Scared? Me? No!

Look at that!
That blatant Truth staring at me... unwilling to waver it's gaze.

I am scared. Am I?
Probably not. But its just a scary thought of this Truth coming closer to me. I can't help it though. It will eventually reach up to me with those glaring Red eyes which I dread. Damn it! Where is that pile of sand which i want to bury my head into? Or that time machine which can either take me back or forward 2 1/2 months right now (does that time period ring a bell anyone?) . I don't want to face what is coming my way.

It's curiosity mixed with anticipation. Its this parallel duality of what i romanticize and... well and the truth of the present circumstances. I don't mind either to be frank. But like all those who know me well enough can guess...I cant stand not knowing or not being able to help 'it'.

So what should i do?
The Plan Of Action (POA) as of now is to just deal with it. Distract myself till this feeling dies. (distraction=sand box??? no maybe just fight back n get lost in world of the books )

Stop staring you horrid beast with bloodshot eyes[just in case you don't know what it is, It is my step1 exam eeeeeeeehhhhhh ]. You might not realize it but the effect of your appearance is freaky. Go away. Or maybe attack me from behind. I am good with handling surprise attacks. But this? Not happening!
*secretly meditates*:)



Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !

Friday, October 16, 2009

Happy Diwali !!!!!!!!!!!!




No! I’m not going to publish a long, boring post about the origin of Diwali, the significance of the festival of lights, the meaning of Dhanteras, the bhai dooj ritual or the clichéd explanation of the triumph of good over evil…

I wanna keep it simple!

So dear dear readers…wishing you all a rocking and fun filled-safe-eco friendly Diwali and a prosperous New Year!

To hell with calories, to hell with recession…I’m going to have the time of my life!

Cheers!


Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !

Thursday, October 15, 2009

No Scream Waxing Please!!!!!!!!

Painless Waxing Please!
Painless Waxing Please!

Wouldn't life be so much easier if us women had naturally hairless legs? Or perhaps if it was socially acceptable for us to have hairy legs?

Sigh...

I know for a fact that hairy women and fuzzy armpits gross men out! Okay chuck men out of it, I believe every lady should maintain that basic level of hygiene and sanitation for herself at least!

Like any other woman, I get my timely waxing done and I generally don’t crib about the PAIN associated with it. But what happened today is something that’ll be etched in my memory forever.

I have a rather sensitive skin so for me it’s double the pain, double the agony! This b**** waxing me was inhuman, insensitive, ruthless, merciless, heartless, callous, cruel, cold, brutal and all the other synonymous thrown up by Merriam-Webster.

She was amateurish and she sucked at her work. She was bitching about her mother-in-law, whining about her toothache, hair-loss & weight, she cribbed about the soaring prices, she even spoke at length about her birthmark and how much her husband loved it, and she even bitched about the other females working there. I wanted to SCREAM…will you please shut the F*** up! Why don’t you channelize all that unproductive energy to the task at hand!

I was seething with rage and her constant bullshitting and apathy only added to my trauma. I swallowed my anger and I politely asked her to tone down her pace. She was way too harsh and violent. I requested her to be a little more considerate and compassionate, but it seems my request fell on deaf ears.

I was so pissed that I had to escalate the matter and bring it to her boss’s notice. The kind lady looked into the matter and gave her an earful. Okay I’m feeling guilty about it; I hope her job is not at stake. But WTF, I almost died and such things should be reported so that others don’t have to put up with pain and trauma.

I swear I’m still wincing in pain!

Regular waxing, Brazilian waxing, this waxing, that waxing…it all HURTS like mad! Why do we women have to go through so much pain I wonder! Be it waxing, threading, pmsing and even those Herculean 9 months of pregnancy. I shudder at the thought of coping with labor pain. Only at such times, I feel envious of my brother!

Even THREADING (eyebrows) calls for a trained practitioner. Tears roll down my face every time I get it done!

It takes nerves of steel to be a woman. To get a wax done, to get threading done!

As someone rightly said: NO PAIN, NO GAIN! We women have to pay such a HUGE price to look pretty!

P-S: Kindly refrain from suggesting shaving, plucking, electrolysis, laser, hair-removal creams and other options! Thank you!

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini!

Monday, October 12, 2009

WHY WHY WHY???

Note: This post will not be easy to read. Lots of rambling and complaining and whining involved.


I’m not the kind of person who gets pissed off easily. Who am I kidding? I am that kind of person. Brash. Irrational. But this time, my patience has been tested for more than i can handle . In other words, my patience has finally ditched me. Why do bad things keep happening ? It was one whole month of peace and quiet and suddenly, downpour. Why did this happen ? I have begun to have a murderous intent…..And the picture in my head right now, believe me guys, it’s not very pretty….and the ideas in my head, partly coz I’ve spend my day playing Hitman, aren’t pleasant either….Is it so difficult for some people to just get real ? Or do they get the idea only when they are made to back off? Is the cliché ‘Old habits die hard’ true? I know I’m sounding like a schizophrenic now. But seriously, I could murder right now…..or at least, break a nose, for sure. The one emotion which my aura would be radiating right now is –IRRITATION. I feel like screaming into a pillow. Are there some people put into this world just to make you feel wretched?



Sigh.






P.S. I know its not cool to complain. But I'm feeling a bit better already.


THIS POST IS NOT SEALED AND KISSED BY NANDINI !