I'm Afraid .

I'm afraid of giving up 

giving in

and letting go,

I'm afraid of the ticking clock 

passing time 

and missed opportunities,

I'm afraid of my own emotion

unstable as I

such a foolish mess,

I'm afraid of lost control 

lost sanity 

and loss of life 

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini ! 

I love you. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, Dad

I have spent twenty two years of my life under the protection and love of my personal angel, an angel who rejoiced when he first held my hand, and an angel who witnessed every phase of my life and recorded it in his most special memories. My angel, my idol, my first love – My FATHER.
I don’t remember when I first called him papa. But I know he remembers even the minutest details of that moment. He didn’t let me hold to people till I was almost one year old as he says, I was only his. A gift of god, he refused to share with anyone. He is as bit as possessive about me still.

Well one of my few memories of my childhood includes sleeping on dad’s chest. Every night when he used to come from the hospital, I used to cuddle up in his lap until I was asleep. I used to go to him crying in the night when my brother used to scare me to wits. And how my brother used to get so many scolding for it.

It’s weird how time flies. We have this walnut closet enclosing our TV. During my toddler days, my hand would never reach the handle of the closet, so I had to ask dad to open it for me whenever I wanted to see TV. My dad always used to tell me one thing “Nanu! Don’t you dare grow up.” Since then that cupboard became the indicator of my growth. And today, I can easily reach the handle. Dad keeps telling me annoyingly, “I had told you not to grow up na? You didn’t listen to me”

Yes, I wish I were the same little girl. I know in his mind I still am, but I grew up. I wish I could still cuddle into his lap and dream away into the world of fairies. I wish I was daddy’s little princess again.

We went for a trip to Switzerland, just dad and me. Dad said to me there “Nandini, you know you are my biggest weakness. You are even important to me more than my own life. I am so happy, that I could show my daughter the world. This has been one of my best trips”

I am the weakness of my father. And my father is mine.

So, here is a little message for you dad.

I am not the perfect daughter you wanted. But you have been the best father. I have troubled you hurt you in ways unforgivable. But still you keep lavishing your unconditional love on me. Will my saying thank you suffice? No, that would not even be close to it.

You gave me the best of the world,   I gave you tears but still you call me your lucky girl. I wonder will ever be able to repay you in this lifetime. I don’t think I ever can.

You have spent sleepless nights when I have fallen ill. You have squeezed my hand every time I am in pain. I am hurt and so are you. My every problems, every surgery has pained you in the same way as they used to hurt me. I can’t understand the bond we share, maybe I won’t till I am a parent myself.

I love you dad.  I love you more than anything in this world. It kills me to hurt you every time I'm not well . I wish I hadn’t and if given a chance I would go back in time and erase every moment that has ever pained  you.

I know I can’t reach the depth of your love, nor can I love you in the manner you love me. But I promise dad, one day you would be proud to be my father. In the same way, as I am proud to be your daughter.

I am left with few years at home with you. I will get married and go to an unknown place. I don’t know dad if I will be able to adjust. Will anyone give me as much love as you did? Will anyone give me love even when I make a mistake? Will I be any ones princess there? I know the answer is a NO. No one can love me the way you do. So I will miss you, every moment, every second of my life.

Dad, I can’t imagine a life without you in it. Please stay with me, as long as it takes. If I could, I would give you my lifeline even. I love you. I will always.

I pray to god that he gives you a great health. May I always be blessed with your presence in my life. Thank you God, for giving me my angel. Thank you, Dad for being one.

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !

Without A Doubt Will Stop Loving You..

When Tears Never Fall
And Birds Never Fly
Winter Never Ends
And Children Never Cry

When The Sun Never Shines
And The Moon Never Glows
When Darkness Is Too Bright
And The River Never Flows

When The Nights Are Not Dark
And The Days Are Noit Light
When Forever Does Finally End
And The Eyes Have No Sight

When Confusion Is So Clear
And Voices Cann’t Be Heard
The Sunset Never Fades
And No One Says A Word

When Ears Can Not Bear
And The Grass Never Grows
When Hearts Can’t Be Broken
And Eternity Is Too Soon

When The Wind Never Blows
And The Rain Is Never Wet
When The Ocean Is Not Deep
And The Earth Is Not Round

When Angels Don’t Protect
And A Fact Is Not True
When The Truth Is A Lie
And Fake Becomes So Real

When Rainbows Have No Color
And Something Wrong Seems So Right
When All These Things Finally Happen
When They Finally Come True That’s When I
Without A Doubt Will Stop Loving You!

Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !

A Silly "second " thought!

Seconds can turn soft hearts to stone..

Seconds can make stone hearts to mourn..

Seconds can make eyes to glow or overflow..

Seconds can break trust, proving it hollow..

Seconds kill..... seconds save..

Seconds can even bring tsunamic waves..

Seconds stand between life and death..

Seconds separate even one's breath..

Seconds separate lightening and thunder..

Seconds can even make kings surrender..

Seconds just fly when one is in love..

Lovers when apart, seconds crawl..

Strong bonds made of years are broken..

If just a silly naughty second tries..

But however hard seconds or years try..

What remains a truth is that truth never lies..

If seconds come first and seconds die first

Then why is it named a second and not first?

Second is strong , many battles it wins..

Second is quick to separate even twins..

Yet a second remains "second" always..

caz what comes first is always God's will..

Sealed with  kiss by nandini !

pain ..

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel?  ....Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, . You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Sealed with kiss by Nandini!

Its All About The "Heart " !!

How many organs the human body has? books informs me the number is 23. Isn't it surprising that, in spite of the human body having 23 important organs, and all equally important, and working together to keep us alive and functioning, only one organ instantly comes to mind and is also talked about the most? And look, I'm doing it too; I am talking about the Heart. Doctors ask you to take good care of it. Most women have really fragile ones, while most men wear theirs on their sleeve. We all have one, though we each use it differently. Some use it sparingly while others are too generous with theirs. And then, there are some who almost never use their own. Then there are still others who like to play with other people's hearts. The heart is a favourite topic with poets and writers, with reams and reams written about it and around it. Singers sing to it, for it, about it and sometimes even against it. A famous song goes like this “Dil cheer ke dekh, tera hi naam hoga” .. And then, get an operation done !! Even the Gods know of its value. And the manner in which Hanuman, the monkey-God, has proved his loyalty to Lord Rama remains etched in the memory forever. According to lovers/those in love/those (c’mon for you sadists, I’m not writing my name here) who have been in love, their heart has been stolen, broken, taken, crushed, betrayed and many more things. Phew! And here I imagined that all that this very important organ was supposed to be doing was pump blood to keep us alive! And going by what lovers say the heart seems to be a steady survivor too. As it is wrecked, it's trodden on, it's stolen, it's cheated on but it survives it all! Albeit, with a few dents and scratches, some deep while others superficial and still others that are maybe purely imaginatory. Nothing that time, and the helping aid of another heart cannot heal. The heart brings you happiness, and sometimes causes you pain. There are times you are accused of not having one at all, or dealing out bits of yours too freely.