I don’t remember when I first called him papa. But I know he remembers even the minutest details of that moment. He didn’t let me hold to people till I was almost one year old as he says, I was only his. A gift of god, he refused to share with anyone. He is as bit as possessive about me still.
Well one of my few memories of my childhood includes sleeping on dad’s chest. Every night when he used to come from the hospital, I used to cuddle up in his lap until I was asleep. I used to go to him crying in the night when my brother used to scare me to wits. And how my brother used to get so many scolding for it.
It’s weird how time flies. We have this walnut closet enclosing our TV. During my toddler days, my hand would never reach the handle of the closet, so I had to ask dad to open it for me whenever I wanted to see TV. My dad always used to tell me one thing “Nanu! Don’t you dare grow up.” Since then that cupboard became the indicator of my growth. And today, I can easily reach the handle. Dad keeps telling me annoyingly, “I had told you not to grow up na? You didn’t listen to me”
Yes, I wish I were the same little girl. I know in his mind I still am, but I grew up. I wish I could still cuddle into his lap and dream away into the world of fairies. I wish I was daddy’s little princess again.
We went for a trip to Switzerland, just dad and me. Dad said to me there “Nandini, you know you are my biggest weakness. You are even important to me more than my own life. I am so happy, that I could show my daughter the world. This has been one of my best trips”
I am the weakness of my father. And my father is mine.
So, here is a little message for you dad.
I am not the perfect daughter you wanted. But you have been the best father. I have troubled you hurt you in ways unforgivable. But still you keep lavishing your unconditional love on me. Will my saying thank you suffice? No, that would not even be close to it.
You gave me the best of the world, I gave you tears but still you call me your lucky girl. I wonder will ever be able to repay you in this lifetime. I don’t think I ever can.
You have spent sleepless nights when I have fallen ill. You have squeezed my hand every time I am in pain. I am hurt and so are you. My every problems, every surgery has pained you in the same way as they used to hurt me. I can’t understand the bond we share, maybe I won’t till I am a parent myself.
I love you dad. I love you more than anything in this world. It kills me to hurt you every time I'm not well . I wish I hadn’t and if given a chance I would go back in time and erase every moment that has ever pained you.
I know I can’t reach the depth of your love, nor can I love you in the manner you love me. But I promise dad, one day you would be proud to be my father. In the same way, as I am proud to be your daughter.
I am left with few years at home with you. I will get married and go to an unknown place. I don’t know dad if I will be able to adjust. Will anyone give me as much love as you did? Will anyone give me love even when I make a mistake? Will I be any ones princess there? I know the answer is a NO. No one can love me the way you do. So I will miss you, every moment, every second of my life.
Dad, I can’t imagine a life without you in it. Please stay with me, as long as it takes. If I could, I would give you my lifeline even. I love you. I will always.
I pray to god that he gives you a great health. May I always be blessed with your presence in my life. Thank you God, for giving me my angel. Thank you, Dad for being one.
Sealed with a kiss by Nandini !
